Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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