my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
