He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
