I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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