Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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