Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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