please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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