Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
