I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
