if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
