I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Of course I have a pirate flag
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
