every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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