shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
