let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
