Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
