There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
