DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
