Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
