I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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