He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
