i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
