You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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