Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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