I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
