I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
