ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
