I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
