Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
