He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
