She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
