Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
