Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
