But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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