Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
