# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
