OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
