What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
