so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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