There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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