he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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