Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
