NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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