i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
