I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
