Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
