Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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