your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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