I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
