This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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