glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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