Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need to align my fucking chakras
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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