my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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