I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
